unfortunately

i bumped into a gal pal over the weekend (whom shall remain nameless) and i was absolutely gob smacked to discover that she had broken up with her bf of 5years or so due to infidelity, on his part. previous to the shocking news i always believed that this was a couple to envy. they seemed so perfect. loving and attentive not to mention that this chick is... in a word - gorgeous!! inside and out!!

this got me thinking. what causes someone to cheat?! of course you never really know what goes on between any relationship if you yourself are not in it but cmon, cheating is sooo old news! ive been hurt by infidelity before (tho im sure he would call it something else) and i know that sickening feeling of questioning your sense of worth when someone you care about tells you in so many words or by their actions that you are not enough.... for them. its a humbling and eye opening experience but i would never wish that on anyone.

in my opinion, since im entitled to have one, it bottles down to selfishness, such a basic human trait. to think of only yourself, how you feel and completely disregard the feelings of anyone else. you want something so you go for it and you stop at nothing til its yours. this is no different to ppl who step over others to get ahead in life. selfish! selfish! selfish!

we are all guilty of selfishness, it might not go as far as cheating but somehow it seems inbuilt in us to put ourselves before others or are we merely just looking after ourselves? when does self preservation become selfish? it's an endless debate that could go on forever and unfortunately i don't have an answer except maybe it boils down to our own conscience and what makes us sleep soundly.

faith is what pulled me through. faith in myself, faith in love, and faith that God always had my best intentions at heart and this was just a teeny tiny test that would ultimately make me a better person.

one of the benefits of being hurt before (yes there ARE benefits, tho hard to see at first) is that you trully appreciate the moments when love is present in your life and because you know better you endeavour near to hurt your special someone.

my special someone means the world to me and to have him in my life now makes all the previous heartache worthwhile.

to my gal pal - i promise you'l be fine and when you least expect it God will send you a person who will make you laugh louder than you have ever before and then you'll know *wink*

*****

with Ramadan around the corner eddee and i are trying super duper hard to be on our best behaviour. luckily for us we're surrounded by supportive friends who understand our desire to calm things down tho they still on occassions have been successful in dragging our asses out *ahem ebony&dinoG*. since taking those vows infront of God, family & friends ive never been more conscience of my actions and how it affects my marriage. i want us to set a good example for our future children and there's no better time than like the present to start. of course i say this now however come the weekend and il be like 'eddeee lets go out!' especially since a good friend is leaving and we're all taking him out to wish him bonvoyage while secretly plotting to kidnapp him and keep him here!!

love

SALS... YOU CAN'T GO!!

love

argh!